


Alternate Universe

by sullacat



Category: Star Trek
Genre: Angst, Character Death, Domestic Fluff, Falling In Love, M/M, Parallel Universes, Parent-Child Relationship, Xenopolycythemia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-10
Updated: 2014-07-10
Packaged: 2018-02-07 21:12:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,253
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1914027
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sullacat/pseuds/sullacat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There are universes out there Spock doesn't belong in. </p><p>All he wants now is to get back home.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Alternate Universe

**Author's Note:**

  * For [altilis](https://archiveofourown.org/users/altilis/gifts).



> Based loosely on the ST: TNG episode 'Parallels'. 
> 
> In other universes, there are Kirk/McCoy, implied Kirk/Spock/McCoy, and major character death.
> 
> Everything I know about Vulcans and Spock I learned from [Altilis](http://archiveofourown.org/users/altilis)/[cutequirk](http://cutequirk.tumblr.com/). Thank you for five years of friendship! ♥♥♥ Much thanks to [Winterover](http://archiveofourown.org/users/winterover)/[Steamedporkbun](http://steamedporkbun.tumblr.com/) for all her help in making this better.

Spock - made it to the conference. You were right, the Ilyrians don't seem to pleased to see us. Guess my report on their recent trade practices upset someone. We should be back in three days. Take care of my lady. ~JTK

One corner of Spock's mouth turned up. Jim's possessiveness over the ship amused him, such bright burning _human_ feelings. Not that Spock didn't sympathize - he was on his way back up to the bridge, having consumed a light meal after spending most of the day in the captain's chair. 

It was an exceedingly comfortable chair, the burdens of leadership notwithstanding. There had been reports of Romulan activity near Tau Ceti and the _Enterprise_ had been charged with patrolling the area. Spock glanced down at the message again, mentally listing the small tasks he wanted to accomplish during that evening's shift when-

"Watch out!" Looking up sharply, Spock spotted Doctor McCoy standing right there next to him, a dinner tray perched precariously in his hands, having rounded the corner and nearly run into Spock.

Or perhaps the other way around. "Take care, Doctor," Spock murmured quietly. "You would not want to become a patient in your own infirmary, would you?" He glanced down at the tray, a sandwich and a bowl of sliced fruit. "Or drop your supper."

It was always like this between them. Three years into the five-year mission, the men had forged a friendship of sorts. In the beginning it was based around Jim, the three of them spending time together, both in work and play. More recently, Spock had found himself seeking out the doctor when he needed to understand humans better. 

For all his ranting, Doctor McCoy could usually be counted on to make sense of things (and Jim) for Spock. 

Most of the time. "I was under the impression that you would be attending the trade conference with the captain," Spock said, turning and walking with Leonard toward his destination. 

Leonard snorted. "After what happened last time, I got me a 'free pass' on any non-emergency off-ship missions for the foreseeable future." He nudged Spock with his elbow. "You remember."

Yes, Spock remembered. 

Five of them, stranded on one of Froome's moons, cut off from the _Enterprise_ and its transporter beam by ion storms. Cold, very cold. Conserving body heat as well as they could, the biologists in one survival bag, Leonard and Spock in the other.

Waking up with Leonard's arms wrapped tight around his waist, his face tucked against the back of Spock's neck, warm breath with each slow exhale. 

Leonard's erection pressed against Spock's hip.

No, that memory was best safely tucked away out of reach, where it needed to remain. 

When they stopped walking, Spock realized they were standing in front of Leonard's quarters. "Look," Leonard began, rubbing the back of his neck, "since Jim's not here to regale us with made-up stories from his youth, maybe we could, um..." There was a hesitation that the doctor didn't normally possess. "Maybe we could, if you wanted, have dinner here. With me. Just, you know. Talk, and I don't know. You could tell me about your day." Leonard clearly felt some sort of embarrassment at this, judging from the flush of pink to his cheeks. "Got plenty of fruit here."

Oh. 

"Leonard." Spock looked down, immediately sensing disappointment emanating from Leonard at Spock's lack of enthusiastic response. Spock was sensitive enough to recognize that the source of the awkwardness was his own wariness. But it wasn't in Spock to respond enthusiastically, even if he thought this were a good idea. 

And it wasn't. His break-up with Nyota only served to remind him that shipboard dalliances were ill-advised, and humans emotions were fragile.

"I mean, if you're busy..."

"I have already eaten. But thank you for the invitation." Spock felt anxious, unsure why this was all so difficult. He was logical enough to recognize it for what it was. Spock had engaged in courtship behavior before, successfully, without this tightness in his stomach. But something about Leonard upset his equilibrium, disrupted the calmness inside. "Good night, Doctor."

It made the idea of something permanent between them impossible. 

Spock resumed traveling toward the bridge, heading for the turbolift at the end of the corridor, completely aware of the egregious behavior he'd exhibited. An apology would need to be made, later. At some point. 

But seeing Leonard's disappointment (and his own physiological reaction) only reinforced Spock's decision. How could he even consider progressing into a romantic relationship with this man that made him feel… well, Leonard made him _feel_ and that was something Spock didn't engage in, unless absolutely necessary.

The lights flickered as Spock entered the turbolift, accompanied by what felt like a slight listing of the ship to the left. Worrisome, as the gravitational support force was crucial to ship's operations.

The lift door slid open onto the bridge. Spock felt that momentary flip of his stomach again, the feeling of being on unsteady ground. Immediately he glanced around to see if the environmental controls were malfunctioning, but no one else seemed to be experiencing any problems. "Bridge, report."

Jim was there, standing next to the communications station, pointing at the screen in front of Nyota. "There you are, Commander," Jim called out, his voice full of his usual good-natured cheer. "I was just about to send out the search team." Spock's face must have registered his confusion. "Are you okay, Spock?"

"Just surprised to see you returned, Captain. I did not expect you back so soon."

"Was I gone?" Jim laughed, turning to look at Sulu, who chuckled before turning back to his controls.

Spock's eyebrow arched. "I was under the assumption you were off the ship, that you would be away for several days."

Jim continued to grin, but something in his eyes got more serious. "Nope, not for a few weeks," he said, approaching Spock with a worried wariness. "I was worried about you, Commander. You're never late for shift." Up close like this, Spock could see Jim studying him, Jim's voice dropping. "I called for you almost fifteen minutes ago."

Spock looked down at his communicator, and sure enough, there was a message from the bridge but no written communication from Jim being gone at the Deltan Conference. He also noticed that the time was wrong, much earlier in the day than Spock remembered. Had something happened to him? "My apologies, Captain. I was speaking with Leonard."

"You and Bones?" Jim laughed, clapping him on the shoulder. "Did he show you the new pictures he got of Joanna? Couldn't stop looking at the last night."

"No, he did not." Spock began glancing around, his eyes noticing slight changes. The seat where Ensign Chekov normally sat was currently occupied by an Argosian woman whom Spock did not know - and Spock knew everyone on board the ship. 

"Yeah, we're getting her for shore leave this year," Jim continued, that look of concern back in his eyes, widening at the look on Spock's face when Spock noticed the wide gold band on Jim's hand. "You sure you feel okay?"

No, he was definitely not 'okay'. "Captain, I believe that perhaps I should visit the infirmary."

"I agree," Jim murmured, nodding at Sulu, who seemed to understand what Jim was telling him. "C'mon." He turned toward Spock. "Let’s go see Bones."

Both men were quiet as they walked through the corridors and down the lift. With every corner they turned Spock saw changes, some so miniscule they might have been missed had he not been looking for these details right now. Jim seemed to understand that Spock was going through some turmoil, and kept his thoughts to himself, at least until they got to Sickbay. 

At least the infirmary appeared the same. "Bones!" Jim called out, looking around and nodding at the medics tending their patients. "Got someone for you to look at."

Leonard stepped out from behind a corner, and Spock was immediately struck by Leonard's hair, much shorter than he'd ever seen the doctor wear it. "Everything alright?" Leonard asked, approaching the two of them, that familiar warm smile still the same. 

"Spock's feeling a little under the weather." Jim pointed at Leonard's office. "Can you take a look at him?"

"Captain," Spock replied in an irritated tone, not particularly enjoying how they talked about him as if he weren't standing there. "I am not ill."

"Well you sound better," Jim chuckled, "but let's let Bones be the judge of that." Jim pushed at Spock until all three of them made their way to the CMO's office. 

At least it was private. But the moment Spock sat down Leonard pulled out his scanner. "I assure you, Doctor, I am well," Spock told him, resting his hand on Leonard's arm. A flash of gold caught Spock's eye, and he saw another gold band, identical to Jim's, on Leonard's ring finger. _Of course._

There were other changes, of course. A photograph of Leonard and Jim, arm in arm on the bookshelf next to one of Leonard with a young girl, presumably his daughter. 

These weren't the men he knew. Spock needed to get to a computer - and fast. "Captain, I feel well, however, I admit that I am a bit tired. Might I be excused from duty today in order to catch up on some rest?" he asked, trying to keep his head from spinning too fast. 

"I don't see why not," Jim told him, giving him a little shrug as he walked over, stepping next to Leonard. "Hey, if you feel up to it, maybe you'd like to join us tonight in our quarters," Jim asked, his arm hooking around Leonard's waist. Spock looked over at Leonard, who looked besotted by Jim's attention. "We had such a good time last week."

Spock wasn't entirely sure what Jim was insinuating. "You want me to-"

"Only if you want," Jim began with a familiar smirk on his face, and suddenly Spock knew exactly what Jim was talking about. 

"Jim, we promised we wouldn't pressure him-"

"You promised," Jim interrupted with a laugh. "But it was fun, wasn't it? We were good together."

"Make it worth your while," Leonard added, giving Spock that look he'd seen earlier, aimed at him. 

"Perhaps," Spock answered, his mind busy formulating a hypothesis as to what might have happened. The most obvious was that he was ill or asleep. Other ideas were that he had been captured and was being held somewhere. 

Right now, as alluring as these men were, and as intrigued with their offer as he was, Spock wanted to get alone and try and figure out what was happening to him. 

But he didn't want to let anyone know just yet. Spock looked both of them in the eye, giving what he hoped was an enigmatic yet interested look. "I will contact you this evening, if I feel... up to it."

 

Spock retraced his steps, returning to the turbolift. He ended up back in front of the CMO quarters, only to see that the name on the door was unfamiliar. Of course, he told himself. Leonard was married to Jim, naturally they would reside in the captain's larger quarters.

He needed to ask someone. Nyota, perhaps. He trusted her, always. Or he could get to his room. 

Just as he reached the turbolift, the ship shifted, the way it had done before. The lights flickered. "Commander Spock to the bridge," he said, reaching for the wall to keep his balance as the ship steadied itself.

He recognized the voice that answered. " _Sulu here_."

"Lieutenant, report."

" _Commander, we are experiencing subspace turbulence. I'm running a subspace scan for looking for the source right now._ "

"Alert the Captain. I shall be right there." For a moment, Spock forgot that he was not in his own universe. Pressing the button for the turbolift, he was about to step in when the door opened, and immediately felt that sensation pulling at his insides. 

It was happening again.

 

"Captain." 

It took Spock several moments to realize that Yeoman Rand was speaking to him, the two of them standing in the corridor outside the turbolift. "Yes?" he asked quietly, trying not to act surprised at the flash of yellow on his arms, the gold command tunic catching his eyes. _Three stripes._

Yeoman Rand seemed different as well, more solemn and serious than Spock had ever known her to be, especially around Jim. "You've received level one priority message from the Admiralty, sir. Shall I send it to your office?"

"Yes, thank you," he told her, as they walked into the lift. She remained quiet during the short trip, and Spock did not ask her anymore. It was enough that he'd be in his office soon, presumably where he could get the data he wanted.

The bridge did not look different, but as before, crew members he did not recognize manned both navigation and the science station. They nodded at his arrival, but he kept walking, not stopping until he was safely in the captain's office. 

Vulcan statuettes sat on the table behind his desk, and on the wall hung a tapestry that Spock recognized. _Well_. Spock sat heavily in the chair in the captain's office. "Computer, onscreen." It flickered, coming to life as a familiar face filled the view screen. "Admiral Marcus," he said, trying not to sound surprised. 

"Captain Spock," Marcus replied. "We've had reports of Cardassians attacks on the New Paris colonies."

"I was preparing to send my report this afternoon."

"Good, good. We've worked too hard the last six weeks to lose that sector?" Spock split the vid screen, opening up the starship's networked files as Marcus spoke, pulling up _New Paris_ , glancing at the data. "By the way, did you get everything straight with your CMO?"

 _Leonard_. "Doctor McCoy," Spock began, masking the confusion on his face. His fingers flew as he swiped the console panel once more.

> **Personnel Record** : Leonard H McCoy
> 
> Chief Medical Officer, USS Enterprise
> 
> request for reassignment 2258.60: denied 
> 
> request for reassignment 2258.200: denied 
> 
> request for reassignment 2259.79: denied 
> 
> official reprimand 2259.120 
> 
> censure 2259.301: suspended from duties for two weeks
> 
> request for reassignment 2260.37: under consideration.

Spock's brow lifted subtly. _Leonard what are you up to..._ "Yes, it's all been taken care of."

"Very well. Just letting you know, we won't tolerate disrespect in the ranks, particularly from someone so high ranking. Nip this problem in the bud, Captain." The screen went black, and Spock's stomach tightened. 

Clearly something had happened. Spock pressed his communicator. "Captain Spock to Sickbay. I need to speak with Doctor McCoy as soon as possible."

" _Right away, Captain_ ," the female voice replied immediately. Spock spent the few intervening minutes reviewing the record of the _Enterprise_ and her current mission.

When he was done, Spock leaned back heavily into his chair and tried to process what he'd read. Cadet Jim Kirk was presumed dead on Delta Vega, his escape pod discovered but his body never recovered. Captain Christopher Pike had been killed by the renegade Nero. Acting Captain Spock had taken the _Enterprise_ to the Laurentian system to meet up with the remaining Starfleet ships but they were too late to stop Nero from destroying Earth. 

The Cardassian empire wasted no time in declaring war, trying to pick off the weakened Federation, whose headquarters were relocated to Andoria. 

Starfleet appeared to be rebuilding slowly. But so much lost...

_Jim was right,_ Spock thought wearily to himself. Jim was always right, in the end. 

Here, in this universe, Spock had won the day - but not the battle, and the universe had suffered for his ego. 

The door slid open and Leonard entered. Spock noticed the small differences immediately. It wasn't uncommon to see a frown on Leonard McCoy's face, but this version seemed to have mastered disdain, the look of scorn on his features almost frightening. 

Even his voice was sullen. "Yes, Captain?" McCoy asked, his eyes fixed on Spock's desk.

For a moment, Spock felt unsure how to respond. "I read your morning briefing. According to your hypothesis, the recent outbreak of influenza on board is not an accident, but a deliberate attack on our crew." This was _wrong_. Spock hadn't realized how Leonard's contempt would feel. His annoyance, his irritation - yes. Spock knew what it felt like to be on the end of that glare, but never like this. Never with such venom. "That sort of accusation requires total validation." When Leonard did not look up, Spock continued. "I need proof before-"

"You asked what was happening," Leonard interrupted him sharply, "and I told you."

Spock's back immediately stiffened. "I require you and your team work faster on synthesizing an antidote."

"And I need you to go start looking for whoever's doing this," Leonard stared up, flashing eyes meeting Spock's own heated glare, "so we can stop wasting our time on treating one-quarter of the crew, keeping them from dropping due to dehydration. If you think I'm not performing up to your standards, Captain," Leonard's voice dropped to a near whisper, "you should go ahead and find yourself a new CMO. I know you're aware of my desire to be sent to a Federation research facility."

He was like a different man altogether. "Your skills are needed here," Spock heard himself say. "We are at war, Doctor."

"No one remembers that more than me," Leonard bit back. "I can serve the Federation just as easily-"

"I do not wish to lose you."

"You do not wish…" Leonard repeated bitterly. "How nice for you. I don't have enough fingers on my hands to list all the things I wish I hadn't lost these past two years. I lost my daughter that day. She was eight years old. I lost my planet, I lost my home, I lost my best friend," Leonard's voice hitched and Spock could see his hands balling into fists, "and seeing you, that goddamn smug face of yours every day only reminds me of what I don't have anymore."

For nearly a minute there was no sound in the room. Finally - "You may leave, Doctor," Spock told him, not wanting to see that look anymore. Turning back to his computer terminal, Spock did not look up until he heard the sliding of the doors, closing behind Leonard. 

He was alone. Spock's head fell into his hands, deep breaths as he struggled to keep that emotional turmoil from building inside him. It was untenable, being shifted like this, the struggle to keep his emotions in check very real.

Mediation, yes. Spock closed his eyes, seeking his center. He wasn't sure how much time passed before he heard his communicator go off. 

" _Captain, sensors report an subspace anomaly ahead of us._ "

Spock's attention turned back from Leonard's disdain to this, something familiar, something he'd heard twice before now in each universe. "Begin scanning the lower subspace bandwidth. I am on my way." So deep he'd been in his meditation, Spock hadn't noticed the ship tilting, its gravitational sensors momentarily failing. 

As before, the lights flickered. A relief of sorts, to be leaving this place, this universe where Leonard hated him. As he stepped toward the door, Spock had to pause, saying a silent goodbye to this terrible place, where so many things had gone wrong.

The door slid open. Spock stepped through.

 

That feeling in his stomach, unsteady, and Spock opened his eyes. He was on the main corridor of Deck 5, near the infirmary. He continued in that direction, stopping in front of the sliding doors to Sickbay when they suddenly opened. 

Nyota was walking out with a tall man whom Spock didn't recognize. "You're back," she murmured softly.

"I am," he said calmly."How are you, Nyota?"

Her eyes - Spock didn't understand the way she looked at him, the sadness. The raw emotion. "I'm fine Spock, well, not fine, but as well as any of us can be…" Shaking her head, she took a breath before speaking. "Have you met our new CMO? This is Doctor Geoff M'Benga." 

Spock's brow furrowed. "I have not," he murmured softly, not understanding this universe, already not liking it. "Welcome aboard."

"Good to meet you, Commander. I-" M'Benga hesitated, as if unsure what to say. "I've got some big shoes to fill but I'm looking forward to working with all of you here. This is a great ship, just from what I've seen already." 

"Spock," Nyota rested her hand on his arm. "Dinner soon, okay? If you need someone to talk to, I am always here." Spock nodded, watching as the two of them continued walking. 

Glancing at Sickbay, Spock was suddenly overwhelmed with a sense of terrible foreboding. Turning on his heel, he headed toward the lift, seeking the sanctity of his quarters where he could investigate when he heard his name being called. 

Jim. They both reached the lift at the same time, and Spock waited a beat, pausing to allow the captain to enter first. It was good to see Jim again, wearing his command gold, particularly after his experience in that previous universe, but this… this wasn't the Jim Kirk he knew. 

Jim's back was ramrod straight, his face tight and unsmiling. "Commander."

"Captain."

Nothing else was said, although it was clear Jim had something to say. Finally the lift stopped at the bridge, but Jim held the door, kept it from opening. "I know it was what he wanted," Jim began, looking straight ahead at a spot on the wall. "But it's gonna be a long time before I forgive you."

Spock felt his heart drop. "Understood," he murmured, though nothing could be further from the truth. 

Jim pressed a button and the door opened. "Two packages came on the shuttle last week, one for me and one for you. I took yours to your room." Spock watched Jim exit before the lift door closed and he continued on. 

His room, familiar yet the sense of terrible foreboding couldn't be shaken. Spock sat in front of his computer and began typing.

> **Personal Information** : Leonard Horatio McCoy
> 
> born Marietta, Georgia, United States 2227.239
> 
> died Macon, Georgia, United States 2262.340
> 
> University of Mississippi: 2245-2248
> 
> Atlanta Consolidated Medical School: 2248-2252
> 
> Starfleet Academy, San Francisco: 2255-2258
> 
> Chief Medical Officer, USS Enterprise: 2258-2262

_Died._

Spock wasn't surprised. Nothing in this universe had felt right since he arrived. 

But that didn't mean it didn't hurt. 

Spock's eyes fixated on that one word. That one terrible word. _Died._ Typing, he expanded the search to Leonard's personal records. It took less than five minutes to read the particulars.

Xenopolycythemia, diagnosed in stage four. McCoy retired his Starfleet commission almost immediately in order to spend his remaining days on Earth near his family. According to these records, he died four weeks ago.

Something Nyota said ran through his mind. _You're back._

Where had he been? 

Spock looked up and around at his room. Familiar, his possessions, a few different pieces of art. The package Jim mentioned was placed on his bed, next to what he assumed were his travel bags. Spock walked over toward it, breathing slowly to keep his heart from beating faster as he opened it up and investigated the contents. 

His hand curled around packet of papers - no, letters, stacked chronologically and tied with a piece of twine. _How quaint,_ was Spock's impression, as he stared at the handwriting, knowing instantly the author. 

A few pictures, a recipe for black bottom pie written in a child's handwriting, and a bottle of Jim Beam Kentucky bourbon. 

Leonard.

Spock opened up the first one.

_You left today, pissed off. For someone who's supposed to be so good at hiding their feelings, you looked awful mad, and for that I'm sorry. Hell, I'm sorry about a lot of things, but doing this to you is hard enough. Asking you to bring me home was hard enough. I couldn't ask you to watch me die too. But I didn't want our last words to be in anger, so I'm going to ask them to send this after I'm gone._

 _Thank you, again._

_There was no one else who could have done this for me. Jim… well, we both know he'd die before he willingly let one of us go. I needed your logic and your lack of sentimentality. Your friendship was a great surprise, and I wish… Well, I guess that's not important anymore. But I'm home now, and to be honest, seeing your expression when Joanna hugged you tight this morning when you left was almost worth all this shit happening to me._

He opened the next one.

 _Joanna told me today that you spoke with her about losing your mother, what it was like for you. I don't know what you said, and I didn't press her, because that's private between you too, but thank you. She seemed comforted by your words, in some way._

_She asked me about you, why you had brought me here. I think she was insinuating about our relationship, in a way only a child could ask. I didn't know what to tell her, other than we were close. I think that's truth enough. It's hard to explain to someone so young that you always think there's another day, another week, that you have more time. All the time in the world. Guess I always thought that it would happen for us, one day… until there weren't gonna be any more days, and- well, we don't have to dwell, I guess. We both know what we're losing here._

Letter after letter, all of the in that same quiet tone. Not resignation, but peace, talking about reconnecting with his child and family. Remembering his childhood, spending summers in Macon visiting his grandparents. Leonard alluded to conversations with Spock, discussions about their past and Spock's future plans. 

Finally, there was one last letter.

_Well, this is probably it. Hands getting jittery now, hard to control and I don't want to record these words. Probably too hard to say aloud._

_Don't be too sad, okay? You were always going to outlive me. Just happened a little sooner than we planned. I think you know what I wished for. Always did have shit for timing. But do me one last thing. Take the bourbon and go over to Jim's room and make up with him. He's going to be angry for a while, but he understands why I left like I did. You two drink a toast to me and then go out and do some exploring out there. It's where you both belong, in space, together._

_I'm gonna go for a nice long walk now. You remember that spot by the river on the back forty of the property, where we spent the afternoon before you left? You ate all those cookies and you tasted like chocolate. Anyway, Jo told me the sugar maples were starting to change color, gold and orange and red. Bet that's a real pretty place to sit and rest._

_Live long and prosper, my friend._

No. _No no no_. Spock stood, ramrod straight, not surprised to find his hands bundled into fists, all the letters dropping to the floor.

Leonard was gone. 

Spock didn't want this. He didn't want to see Leonard married to another man. He didn't want Leonard hating him. But better Leonard _alive_ and whole and healthy and hating Spock - better that than him dead. 

His hands shook. Spock took a deep breath, centering himself, seeking that balance, the stability, the cool logic that ruled him. Life and death came to all, Leonard's life was well-lived, and he knew peace at the end. This wasn't his Leonard…

But this Leonard was dead.

Without thinking, Spock reached for the bottle of liquor and threw it against the wall as hard as he could. It smashed into a hundred pieces, bits of glass flying everywhere. He dropped to his knees, breathing heavily, his stomach in knots, his entire body in upheaval.

Spock closed his eyes and it all went black.

 

He heard voices. 

No, he heard a voice, low and muttering. "...why we don't use glass on board a starship." Spock opened his eyes and spotted Jim kneeling nearby, picking up the larger pieces of the broken bottle. "Fucking waste." When he noticed Spock was watching, Jim shook his head. "That was a twelve year old bottle of booze." 

"I did not notice the age." Spock stood slowly, reaching his hand out to Jim. "I will clean that later, Captain." 

Jim took his hand, standing. "You better?"

"No," Spock told him honestly. "But I am where I belong." He followed Jim to his small living area, where they sat. "Captain," he began.

But Jim stopped him. "Look, Spock, like I said earlier, I'm mad. You snuck him off this ship, against my orders. I know it's what he wanted, but damn it, I didn't get to say goodbye." Jim reached into his pocket and pulled out a small and familiar looking flask. "It was in my package," Jim said, a sad smile on his face. "He said that you two, um, that you helped him with all this." He offered the flask to Spock. "And that I should watch over you, make sure you're okay."

Spock did not drink alcohol, but he would not refuse this. Taking a small sip, he gave it back to Jim. "You have an entire ship to worry about, Jim. Do not spare any on my behalf."

Jim sighed, taking another long drink from the flask. "Okay," he said, standing. "Look, take the rest of the day to rest, or meditate, or whatever you need to do. I'll send someone to clean that," he added, pointing at the bits of broken bottle.

"I will do it," Spock replied in a quiet voice. The banality of that activity appealed to him. Jim nodded and left, and Spock was alone again. "Computer, lights off."

Blackness. It felt better that way. Spock folded his arms and legs, and closed his eyes, seeking some sort of balance. This was not his place, this was not his universe. A part of him felt sympathy for the Spock that existed here, the one that would return soon to these room, and this ship. 

_Leonard is not here. Leonard is safe in my world._ Repeating that to himself, Spock sat and waited for the next shift to come, for the universes to converge again. Hours passed and he sat, waiting and centering and damning this universe for its illogical cruelty.

Eventually he felt it, that shifting, as if the ship were tilted. Relief washed over him, and Spock stood slowly, straightening his uniform shirt and gladly left this terrible place, stepping out of his darkened room and into the bright corridor outside. 

 

 

"Commander Spock." 

Though slightly disoriented, Spock turned at the sound of his name. "Yes?" he said, his voice hoarser than before. 

What he saw seemed even stranger than what he left behind. A female human ensign stood in front of him, holding the hand of a small Vulcan girl, approximately three years of age. The ensign gave him a warm smile, though her eyes seemed worried. "Tolara is running a little warm. I know you said mentioned this morning that she hadn't slept well, and I thought perhaps she should go see Doctor McCoy." 

Spock nodded, though his head was full of questions. "Tolara," he repeated, trying not to look shocked when the child dropped the ensign's hand and reached for Spock with a practiced ease that surprised him. The sensation - warm, bubbling thoughts of the child, not yet able to completely control her emotions. _Tired. Uncomfortable. Father._ But Tolara must have sensed his own confusion, because she looked at him with a wariness in her eyes. 

"Shall I take her to Sickbay, Commander?"

"There is no need, I shall take her. Thank you, Ensign Acra," Spock said, her name coming to him clear as a bell before he turned and walked down the corridor toward the infirmary. They walked quietly until Spock broke the silence. "Have you been ill?" he asked cautiously, not wanting to scare the child. 

But she just shook her head, still quiet as they walked. Passing through the sliding doors of Sickbay, Spock felt himself flood with relief as he spotted Leonard's face, open and friendly when their eyes met. _Leonard._ Spock allowed himself that warm rush of emotions at the sight of the doctor, unsettled by how Leonard's death affected him.

Leonard finished speaking with his patient, then walked toward them. "Hello there!" he smiled at them, looking fondly at the little girl before his eyes. "How is my favorite girl this afternoon?" he asked, kneeling down to Tolara's level. "What brings you two in here today?"

Spock stared baldly at Leonard, and he was unable to keep the confusion from washing through him and into Tolara, who seemed to sense this, mixed with her own relief at seeing Leonard. "Something is wrong with Father," she told Leonard in a soft clear voice. "He doesn't know who he is."

Leonard's eyebrow arched. "No," Spock began, resting his hand on the child's shoulder. "Ensign Acra stopped me in the hallway, said that she was running a fever. I thought perhaps she needed medical attention." 

But his words were stiff and awkward, and it was clear that Leonard was worried about both of them. "Okay, both of you," Leonard reached for both of their hands, pulling them toward a more private area in the back. "Chapel, will you adjust a couple of those scanners for our Vulcan patients?" he asked, picking up Tolara and setting her on top of a biobed, pointing at another one. "You go there," Leonard told him, and Spock did not protest. 

Spock watched as Leonard examined the child first. "She is a little warm," he agreed, pulling out a tricorder. "Doesn't look like an infection of any sort. Let's just stay home for a day or two just to be sure. Rest and fluids," he added, touching Tolara's nose, Spock enchanted with the small smile she gave Leonard. "And extra dessert tonight."

"Yes, Father," she added, then looked at Spock. "Now him."

"Okay yes, now him." One of Leonard's hands settled comfortably on his shoulder, giving it a warm squeeze as he ran the scanner over Spock's head. "Readings look normal," he said, smiling at Spock with a familiarity that unsettled him. He finished the scan of Spock's head, then moved lower, stopping near his abdomen. "Now that's strange," he murmured to himself, that furrow between his brows growing deeper and deeper. "Something must be wrong-"

Then Leonard stopped moving, something on Spock's face catching his eye. Spock felt Leonard's thumb rubbing near his temple, pushing the soft hair aside. For a long moment, Leonard stared at that spot until he finally called out, "Chapel, can I see you please?"

Spock knew the ruse was up. "Leonard, would it be possible for us to speak privately?"

Leonard's eyes flashed with uncertainty. He didn't say anything until the nurse arrived. "Can you keep an eye on Tolara for a little bit? See if Genevieve can come get her and take her to our rooms." Leonard stared at Spock as if he were a stranger, but his tone didn't change, presumably to keep from frightening the child. "And get Jim down here, now."

 

An hour later, Spock sat on a chair in Leonard's office, Jim standing behind him. "Let me get this straight," Jim said, his arms folded in front of him. "You aren't our Spock."

"I am not."

"But you are Spock."

"I am, yes. I currently serve as First Officer under you, Captain." 

"But not on this ship." 

Looking at Leonard, staring back at him with an equal measure mixture of worry and wariness. "No, not this ship. I have never met that child before today."

Jim and Leonard stared at each other for long time until Jim finally spoke again. "And you said that you've stayed a few hours at most in each of these... parallel universes?"

"Twelve hours at most."

"But nothing in common?"

"Nothing other than they all take place on board the _Enterprise_ ," Spock began, then stopped. Of course - there had been something in common. "The anomaly."

"The what?" Jim asked.

"Captain, in each universe there have been subspace distortions that affected the ship's gravitational fields as we passed near the Tau Ceti system." 

"As it happens, that's where we are heading. Then I guess we need to wait for that anomaly to occur again. With any luck, we'll be able to get you to your rightful place." Jim walked over to Leonard, the two of them speaking in low tones, though Spock was astute enough to know they were discussing what to do with him. "Commander, until the anomaly comes into view again, I'm going to ask you to remain in your quarters. Nothing personal, I'm sure you are just as competent as my first officer. But I don't like the idea of people walking in and out of doorways and into parallel dimensions, if you know what I mean."

"I understand, Captain," Spock answered quietly. He did not like the request, but it was the right one, it made sense. "If someone could just show me to my quarters."

 

His quarters, as it turned out, were the CMO's rooms, close to Sickbay. Larger than Spock remembered, as the room next door had been annexed, creating a larger suite to accommodate their family. 

Spock was given access to the ship's computer network, but nothing appeared out of the ordinary here, other than his relationship with Leonard McCoy. The three of them ate a quiet meal that evening, and later Spock stood in the doorway of Tolara's small bedroom, watching as Leonard put her to bed. There was an established routine, Spock was pleased to see, watching the young girl looking down at her padd, her lips moving silently as she read. "Alrighty, light's out," Leonard told her, pulling her blanket up to the child's neck. "Sleep well, sweetheart. We love you." 

The scene was poignant in its normalcy. It was difficult for Spock to reconcile this domestic scene, he and Leonard raising a child on board the _Enterprise_ with his own more solitary reality- or any of the other realities he had stepped through. 

Ten minutes later, they were settling into comfortable chairs in their small living area. "Ask," Leonard said, handing Spock a glass of what he recognized as Altair water. Leonard's fingers circled a small tumbler of his own, half filled with amber liquor. "I know you're confused, but I'm not sure where you want me to start."

So many questions… "When did we - when did this happen?" Spock asked.

"Our relationship?"

Spock felt a faint flush "Yes," he nodded, sipping the water.

Leonard grinned, the soft intimate smile that changed his face. "Well, you came back from an away mission all banged up, took a bullet for Jim." Leonard's face darkened slightly before he looked up. "It's where you got the scar, the one on your face. My Spock has a scar," Leonard tried to explain, "and he's had some kidney damage as a result. Luckily it hasn't affected him too badly, you guys bounce back okay." Leonard was speaking quickly but quietly, and Spock surmised that Leonard felt nervous as well. "Anyway, you spent a couple days in my infirmary, and we got to talkin'. Real talking," Leonard added, that smile returning. "One thing led to another..." 

"Just like that?" Spock asked, incredulous. Could it really have been that simple?

The pink flush on Leonard's face told Spock that their relationship progressed here to something physical. "Yeah," he nodded, as if he knew what Spock was thinking. Then his face fell. "After we started seeing each other, I found out I was sick."

"Xenopolycythemia?"

Leonard's eyes widened. "Your McCoy?"

Spock shook his head. "Not mine." Not yet, he mentally corrected himself. But this Leonard seemed well enough. "My understanding is that it was nearly always fatal."

"It usually was. But you," he pointed at Spock, "I mean my Spock, he became intent on finding a cure. Never saw a man more focused." Leonard smiled softly. "Was when I first knew you loved me." Flipping through his datapadd, Leonard sighed quietly as he handed it to Spock. "It's the chemical formula for the xenopolycythemia treatment. Don't guess it's cheating, showing you this if you're the one who discovered it." Spock considered it all intently as Leonard spoke. "Make sure you get your Leonard checked out, okay?" 

"I will." Spock committed the formula to memory. His Leonard would be safe. "And the child?" he asked, setting the padd down. "What of her family?"

"Killed by Romulans." Leonard took a long drink, quiet a moment. "She was just a baby, thankfully she doesn't remember any of it. You petitioned the High Council to be allowed to raise her. They agreed, as long as you promised to limit my meddling with her education. I think they thought I would be a hindrance." Spock's lips curled as he listened. "Oh, you spoke quite eloquently on my behalf, giving your word that I wasn't going to turn her into an idiot or anything. The tone of Leonard's voice was casual, comical, but there was a look in his eyes that told Spock the emotion between them was quite real - and that Leonard was worried. 

"It sounds as if the two of you are happy."

"We are. I'm worried, not sure if he's in your universe right now, or... hell, don't understand these temporal anomalies. I just want to know that he's okay, and that you're okay."

"I am well, Leonard." Spock glanced over at the door leading to Tolara's room. "This is quite different from my own existence." 

"We're not... together?"

"No," Spock began, "not-" A small smile escaped. "Not yet." A strange admission, almost as if Spock now expected it to happen, an eventuality. "One would say that overtures have been made, on your part. But this is the first universe I have seen where our relationship has reached this fruition."

Leonard chuckled to himself. "That's a shame," he said, running a hand through his hair and Spock wondered what it would feel like on his fingers, those soft, thick strands. "You look tired, Commander. Don't tell me that you're not, I know that face better than you do. C'mon," he stood, putting his glass down. "Let me get a pillow and a blanket. I'll stay out here and you can have the bed."

"Nonsense," Spock answered back. "The bed is yours, I am the guest. This chair is adequate, and I do not require-." 

"Yes you do require it, you've been through a lot today. And you'll have a crick in your neck tomorrow if you stay out here. And then you'll be grumpy," Leonard added fondly as he headed toward the bed.. 

"Leonard." Spock followed him, resting his hand on Leonard's arm to stop him. "Please. If I am to stay in here, I insist that you stay in here as well. The bed is of sufficient size to allow us both to rest comfortably." He glanced at their bed, completely aware of what must happen there. "I will not do anything untoward."

Leonard laughed. "I should be saying that to you. I'm the cuddler." He looked closely at Spock, and from this close distance Spock could see the warring colors in Leonard's eyes, gold and green and brown. "You're safe here, Spock. I know that you aren't-"

Spock didn't let him finish that statement. Curiosity overwhelmed him, along Leonard's rich scent, the warmth in his eyes giving Spock the excuse he needed. "Leonard," he murmured, brushing two fingers against Leonard's cheek, "may I?" Leonard nodded with a soft huff and Spock found those psi points, anchoring his fingers and closing his eyes at the feel of Leonard buzzing inside his thoughts, the gentle ease in which Leonard opened his mind and shared himself.

Spock felt it all - like walking into a warm ocean of emotion and affection. He felt Leonard's worry and concern, wondering where his Spock was. But more, that deep underlying bond that existed between them shone bright, a wide golden ribbon emanating from Leonard's soul, reaching out for his Spock. _Telsu,_ he realized suddenly. They had bonded, joined together in the Vulcan way. "T'hy'la. You..." he sighed, dropping his forehead on Leonard's shoulder as a wave of emotion passed between them, all the worry and affection flowing from Leonard into Spock and back again. 

Leonard tensed slightly, and Spock realized that he'd shared that profound sense of loss that he experienced in that previous universe, where Leonard had been taken from him before they even reached this stage. "I am sorry," he began, only to be shushed by Leonard. 

"No, hon, I'm sorry. I can't imagine..." Leonard sighed deeply, his thumb rubbing against Spock's shoulder. "Hard for me to think that there's a universe out there where I might have lost my Spock, or where we never..." Finding Spock's eyes, Leonard shook his head. "But here, in my world, we found each other. You'll get home soon, and you can make it happen, Spock. If your Leonard's is anything like me, he's just as scared as you are." 

"I am not-"

Leonard stopped him again. "Don't tell me you're not scared," Leonard began, stepping away from Spock and heading toward the bed. "You might fool a lot of people on board this ship, but you don't fool me." Pulling the sheets back, Leonard pointed at the shower. "If you need to get washed up, I know you don't like going to bed-"

"-unclean." This time Spock finished Leonard's sentence. "Thank you, I will." 

Spock felt like he'd been up for days, bouncing between realities. The time spent in the sonic shower did wonders for him, the relaxing pulses settling frayed nerves. When he emerged, Leonard had settled on the far side of the bed, his eyes closed. Spock watched for a moment, wishing that he'd been able to see his own Leonard in this sort of circumstance. _Was it possible?_ he asked himself, as he slid into bed. Could the two of them, with such strong personalities, ever become close like this?

It had happened here. 

Spock woke up to the unfamiliar feel of someone tucked snugly behind him, cold feet pressed against his own. Spock lingered there a moment, allowing himself to enjoy the warmth, noting the small differences between this experience and waking up with Nyota. Her peaceful zen had appealed to him when they were together. But Leonard's sleeping dreams were darker, rumbling like a thunderstorm in the distance. It should have disturbed Spock… but it didn't.

A faint beeping in the other room, followed quickly by a noise from Leonard's side, roused Leonard, who rolled over quickly, away from Spock's side. "Pardon," he murmured, reaching for his communicator. "Looks like it's for you," Leonard murmured sleepily, falling back into bed. 

Spock realized that he'd left his own communicator in the living area. Unusual for him to be so lax with it, he frowned as his legs swung over the side of the bed and he stood. He crossed the room and found it, reading the now familiar message on the small screen.

Anomaly located ahead. Please come to the bridge.

Spock sighed, closing his eyes momentarily before turning back toward Leonard's bedroom. "It is the message I spoke of. Did you-"

But the room Spock re-entered was empty, dark. "Lights," he spoke aloud, and watched in sharp disappointment as he looked at his own bedroom. 

Back in his own room, alone. No Leonard. No Tolara. 

For the first time in all these episodes, Spock wished dearly that he had been able to remain where he had been. He could have been content here, he knew that was selfish.

Unfortunately, he told himself resignedly, that was not to be. 

The message on his communicator, however, had not changed. Straightening his shirt, Spock headed toward the bridge to see where he had landed.

 

The bridge was familiar when the turbolift doors opened and Spock stepped out onto it. But the familiarity ended there. "Admiral Pike," Spock said, the surprise evident in his voice. Seeing his former captain, _alive_. 

"Not quite yet, Commander," Pike said with that familiar smirk, turning back to the forward view screen. "My apologies. I know you were planning on working in the labs today, but we've come across this cloud structure that I thought you might want to get your team to look at." 

"Yes, Captain," Spock corrected himself, heading toward his Science station. A quick glance over at Communications told him that Nyota wasn't sitting there at her chair. It was Lieutenant Rafe Hawkins. Looking over at the helm, Spock nodded at Bill McKenna, and Pavel Chekov at navigation, the only familiar face from the last three years on the bridge. 

The original crew of the _Enterprise_ , the ones who were supposed to set off on their mission in the spring of 2258. 

Before Nero and the _Narada._

The room was quiet. Spock looked up and saw that all eyes were on him. Spock also realized something else that was different about this scenario. This time, the message about the anomaly came at the _beginning_ of the phase shift. 

This time, Spock realized, he might have some time to study it, and figure out how to get home. "Captain, I recommend we perform a subspace scan in order to determine the nature of the anomaly, as well as send a probe into the cloud to determine its structure," Spock said. "And… permission to take Ensign Chekov with me, to study this further." 

"Do it," Pike told the crew before turning back to Spock. "Yellow alert, Commander? It's your call."

"I do not believe that is necessary at this moment," Spock replied. "If I may return to my lab, Captain..."

"No problem, Commander." Pike gave Spock that easy smile of his, "We'll call if we hear something." There was a part of Spock that wished to linger here and speak just once more with his former captain and mentor, someone who was once a large part of his life.

But the chance to get back home… One more glance at Pike in his chair, and Spock turned, heading down the familiar path to his science laboratory with Chekov in tow. His passcode opened his office, and again, Spock recognized people, many of whom had been hand-selected by him for the _Enterprise_ back in 2258.

Before Nero.

The two men entered the science labs and began collecting data. "Commander," Chekov began as his fingers flew across the terminal screen, "the sensors are detecting fluctuations in the field density of the cloud." He looked at Spock. "It is as if the gravitation field is being affected."

But what could affect gravity to such an extent, in so limited an area. "Ensign," Spock spoke slowly, "are you familiar with red matter?"

"I am not, Commander."

"Have you ever heard of a criminal known as Nero?"

"No, Commander."

Spock looked up sharply. "Khan?"

Chekov shook his head again, as if worried about disappointing Spock with his lack of knowledge. "No, I am sorry, Commander. Would you like me to-"

"It is not important, Ensign. Continue your scans." Spock settled in front of one of the terminals and began typing. 

> Display all significant events that occurred on 2255.43.

Immediately a list of data scrolled onto the screen. Spock paused the screen when he saw it. 

> Anomaly described as a 'lightning storm in space’ noted near Klingon space.

He selected it, seeking more details. According to the database records, this anomaly caved in upon itself. Another swipe and the computer displayed Vulcan. 

A tight knot formed inside his stomach at that image. His mother was there, presumably alive. His family, his people, all the Vulcan culture that had been lost that day. 

Vulcan - whole and alive and intact. 

Spock began typing again, searching Starfleet personnel records.

> **Personnel Record** : James T Kirk, Commander
> 
> Current assignment: First Officer, USS Hood
> 
> Graduated with honors from Starfleet Academy, 2259
> 
> Entered Starfleet Academy, 2255...

  


> **Personnel Record** : Leonard H McCoy MD, Lieutenant Commander 
> 
> Current assignment: Sirius IV Research Station 
> 
> Specialization: restoration of the neural cortex inhibitors of humanoids 
> 
> Graduated from Starfleet Academy with honors, 2259
> 
> Entered Starfleet Academy, 2255…

Spock nodded, not missing the irony in all of this. The one universe, in all those he visited, where Vulcan was _safe_ and whole - and yet, the one that made the least sense to him. Jim and Leonard not serving together on the same ship, much less being anywhere close to him, a part of his life.

Spock had to ponder that for a long moment. This had been his goal - First Officer to Christopher Pike, serving on board the _Enterprise_ for two five-year missions before returning to Vulcan to take his place at the Vulcan Science Academy. 

Leonard... Safe and alive in this universe, at least. But not here, not where he could make those comments that irritated Spock. Chastise him for being injured on missions. 

Offer to share his dinner, to ask him foolish questions. 

This was wrong.

Chekov's computer beeped. "Commander Spock, we've received our preliminary data from the probe." Spock opened the report, began scanning it for information. "The probe is reporting evidence of a past subspace implosion. It has created a... vacuole in the substream." _Could that be what was at the center of the anomaly?_

"Subspace vacuole," Chekov's voice dropped low. "I had physics professor who used to speak of such possibilities, quantum theories about parallel universes." He shook his head. "I never expected them to actually exist."

"All theories are eventually either proven or disproven, Ensign." Spock's heart began to beat faster, despite his attempts to coolly and calmly consider all the information. "Did your professor have any theories regarding how to eradicate them?"

"He did not," Chekov admitted. "But… a vacuole is a container, no? If an object has mass, could we not affect the gravitational field..."

"- and lessen the affects of the vacuole."

"Da," Chekov's fingers began flying. "I believe if we emit a graviton pulse, we can modify the gravitational field so that instead of becoming larger, it will decrease in mass-"

"-and cease to affect the subspace around us." Spock stood, reaching for his communicator. "Commander Spock to the bridge."

" _Spock, this is Pike. We are starting to get reports of power fluctuations on board the ship. Tell me what you've got._ "

"Captain, after reviewing the data, Ensign Chekov and I have determined that the center of the cloud contains a subspace vacuole, capable of disrupting the gravity on board our ship if it goes unchecked. We recommend modifying a gravitational pulse and aiming it at the center of the cloud."

" _You heard the man._ " Pike's voice came across the communicator, and Spock wished again that things might have been different in his universe for Christopher Pike. " _Good job Spock, Chekov. Report to the bridge as soon as you wrap things up, Commander._ "

"We shall be right there." Was this what it was? A fragment, somehow wrapped around this moment, localized around Spock. 

But why?

He might never know. "Thank you for all your assistance today. Go ahead to the bridge, I will follow momentarily." He watched the young man leave, then stood around his room. Spock took several breaths, willing his pulse to return to normal. Maybe this was it, he hoped. 

Perhaps that had been enough. 

If the vacuole closed too quickly, he could be trapped here forever. Spock knew this was far from the least pleasant existence, but it was not his place, his people. Leonard was not here, not his Leonard and Spock was prepared now to admit that finding his doctor was in the forefront of his mind as he walked toward his door. 

It slid open, and Spock held his breath as he stepped through the doorway. 

 

  


Spock stepped into the corridor, a beeping noise coming from his side. Looking down, he felt a sense of deja-vu as he read the message.

Spock - made it to the conference. You were right, the Ilyrians don't seem to pleased to see us. Guess my report on their recent trade practices upset someone. We should be back in three days. Take care of my lady. ~JTK

Could he really be right back where he started?

"Watch out!" Spock's eyes widened in disbelief as Leonard rounded the corner, carrying his sandwich and fruit. "Almost ran into you." 

"Leonard." There he was, standing there. Whole and safe and alive. 

Just the way it was supposed to be. "Good evening, Commander," Leonard began. "Everything okay? You look even more pale than usual."

Spock's lips quirked at what would have otherwise been an irritating joke. "I am quite alright, Doctor."

"That's good," Leonard began. "Hey listen, since Jim's not here to regale us with his-"

"Leonard," Spock stopped him from continuing. "I apologize for interrupting you, but I do have something that I need to do tonight. Right now."

"Oh... okay," Leonard began quickly, trying to mask his disappointment. "Don't worry-"

"But I do need you." Spock enjoyed that look of confusion on Leonard's so very human face. "Something has occurred on board this ship, something very important," he said slowly, "and I require your immediate assistance. Would you accompany me to Sickbay?"

"Are you okay-"

"I have a story to tell you, but I ask that we do it there - and that we contact Security. I want to tell this story once, so I can later focus my attention on... other areas." 

An hour later, Spock had informed Security about what had happened and begun dictating his initial reports regarding his travels to the parallel universes. Leonard examined him thoroughly, and determined that he was in good health, no adverse effects from his experience. "Spock to the bridge," he spoke into his communicator as Leonard put away his scanner. 

_"Yes Commander?"_

"Run level one subspace scan as soon as we enter the Tau Ceti system. Inform me immediately if the scans turn up anything unusual."

" _Of course, Commander. Good night._ " 

Leonard was watching him intently. "Sounds like you've had quite a day."

"It feels as if I've been gone for much much longer."

"I think you need some rest, and maybe some food." Leonard's eyes were warm, his hand resting on Spock's shoulder. "Let's get you back to your room, okay?"

"I agree," Spock nodded, "only if you agree to join me." Spock spoke low but the expression on Leonard's face, that slow smile assured him that the doctor had heard. 

Leonard followed Spock into this quarters, curious as he glanced around. "You didn't say much about some of those places you saw." 

Reaching down, Spock took Leonard's hand in his own, trying not to give away how delighted he was with the ever changing expression on Leonard's face. 

"What is that?" Leonard asked as Spock lifted Leonard's hand up, rubbing the side of it with his thumb. "What are you doing?"

"I am initiating courtship rituals, Doctor," Spock replied, his eyes memorizing the freckles and indentations on Leonard's large hands. "This is a kiss."

"You don't say..." Leonard's eyes, so strange in color, watched intently as Spock slowly slid two long fingers against his own, back and forth. Then Leonard turned those eyes on him, as if trying to look inside him. "What happened to you out there, Spock?" he murmured, worry and concern and this underlying hunger all drawn across his face.

But before Spock could answer, his communicator went off. "This is Spock," he murmured, not dropping Leonard's hand. 

" _Commander, the anomaly has been located 800 kilometers ahead._ "

"Divert the ship around the anomaly," Spock replied as Leonard's free hand slid around the back of Spock's neck, and he inhaled quickly at the touch. "Send in a probe, and leave a warning beacon behind. We do not want other Federation ships stumbling upon it." Spock glanced at Leonard, staring back at him. "Contact me if there are any problems." Spock closed the call, returning his attention to Leonard. "The burdens of leadership." His own fingers skimmed the back of Leonard's neck, an overwhelming sense of excitement and need coming off of Leonard, washing over him like a wave. 

"It can be taxing..." Leonard replied, closing the distance between them and pressing his mouth against Spock's, such gentle but insistent pressure. "I wasn't sure you knew how I felt."

"I cherish thee, Leonard," Spock admitted, a lightness inside him that he had not felt in a very long time. It was as if the worry and concern of earlier mutated into something warmer. As if seeing what a future with Leonard (or worse, without him) might truly be like. "Your friendship and more, if you would be so good as to offer more to me."

Leonard chuckled. "I am offering more, if you'll take it." Pulling him toward the sofa, Leonard's mouth found Spock's neck and for a few hours, nothing else in Spock's world mattered except touching and feeling and embracing this man - and all the possibilities this universe had to offer him.


End file.
